That first sip of morning coffee
The music that trickles down my ears to my soul
The mirths of laughter
that make my body come alive from merely existing
That book on the bookshelf
The warmth of happiness
that spreads across my chest
like sun
on a winter morning
when my dog runs in circles
chasing his tail
just as I do
time to time
A call from a friend
lost in the race against time
A poem
transforming a lonely night into
a gathering so magical
that now I don’t want to shut my eyes
Watch my mother
adjust her bindi
in the mirror and
tuck that loose strand of hair
behind her ear
because she knows it’s time
and dad’s about to come home
A gesture of kindness
from the one I thought needed saving
A gesture of love
I thought had no feelings
Make me wanna keep coming back
From the precipice
to witness the colours of life
and to laugh
with him, with her, with them
laugh so much that
now I want to cry
Because once I believed
very firmly
I’d never laugh
this much.
again,
or ever.
What else could I ask for?
What else is there to live for?
…
Category: POEM
-
That first sip
-
I feel sorry
I feel sorry
about that 19 year old
Who was supposed to be
Losing sleep over
Medicine vs engineering
Red suit vs the blue one
Manali vs Kasauli
But insteadHer butured body lies
Ashened
for some men had to
Show her her place
In this world
Which was no place at all.
I feel sorryBecause she must have
Tried to make a point
And so
Her tongue was ripped off
To give her a message
That she had no voice
She must stay quiet
And quietly must she pass on
I wonderEven then
If she tried to take a stand
Not willing to back off
And fight for her dignity
For her spine was broken
By men who could not
Stand being stood up
By anyone but
A woman.
And though it wasHer tongue
That was pulled out
And her spine
Broken to shards
But it is the nation
That has lost its voice
And the ability
To stand up for a cause
Crystal clear as the daylight
Because you seethe people in the office are
Saying there was no rape at all!
And you must face
The pawns of the establishment
Guarding the mafia lord
Or else this time
your backs will be broken
By men in khaki
Who never had a spine at all.
I feel sorryBecause just right now
Must we talk about
Caste discrimination
Because the goons would have not done
What they did
Had she been a woman
of another household
Just as millions of women
Who walk freely at night.
The goons would have treated her
With high tea and
Crostinis
I feel sorryBecause she didn’t get the
Life she deserved
But also not the farewell,
The last rights
Because the
fascists must save
Face
Must take control
Must dictate
Must reshape
The past present and future
Because some of us
Made them believe
that
They can get away with anything
I am sorryThat her family will never get
Closure
Because the dark reality
Will never completely sink in
And the next ten years will be
Spent wondering
Did that really happen?
Did we even have a daughter?
Are we even sane?
How could a facade this large
Could altogether be forgotten?
I feel sorryBecause she wasn’t the first
and
She wouldn’t be the last.
-
Lucid.
Remember the time
You said
You wished the time must
Freeze and
Froze it did
like a painting
like an ocean
like a clock stuck on 9
since ages
but was it only yesterday
when we were racing against time.
but even a stopped clock is
right
twice a day,
they say.
and as the clocks continued
to chime
the dust settled
under water
as it usually does
not withstanding the test of time
But the seasons have changed
And the winter is coming
But their is a warmth in
My heart
now that a quiet room
distracts me a little less
with the clothes hanging in the closet
the car sitting in the garage
the forgotten heels in the shoe rack
and the world falling apart
Silent as a grave
I know I am
right where I should be.
because you see,
the dust settled,
underneath the water
and the view
now is
lucid.
-
I should have known
I should have known that the world has become a shallow place,
a little vain
But the values from antecessors
Remain.
To give us a reminder of
What we’ve lost
And what we’ve gained.
It’s a confusing
time to be alive
To be forever torn
To be a semi-fit
Rather, an ill-fit
To have a grounded body
But a fluttering soul
Like a bird about
to take off
And off I would have gone
If I could
But only that
I cannot be everywhere.do everything
not possibly.
There’s a limitation
There’s a price to pay
For one to be born as
Nature’s proudest experiment
To be its finest creation.
or a cosmic joke
Equipped and armed for
any adversity
But,
Only on the outside.
There’s a universe
Vast on the inside
That cannot be
Fathomed
Can never be fully explored but
Only survived.
-
Why Me?
I don’t go to a temple often
Neither do I go to a
A mosque or
A church
or anywhere else
Get the drift, right?
But yesterday I went
To a temple
Not too far
But the one in my home;
It was awkward
I have to say
The face off
With Him
Like meeting an
Old lover.
So I cut straight to the chase
And asked –
Why me?
I stood still and
Waited for an answer
Minutes passed
But nothing happened
No one spoke
None of the statues moved
But a tear did trickle down
My cheek
And I collapsed
On my knees.
Ok. I am on my knees.
Now, tell me.
Answer me.
Why me?
First, I howled
Then I pleaded
In a mumble
That barely escaped my throat
I submitted in a barely audible Why me?
I waited for a sign.
The hibiscus or the marigold
To fall on my feet
Or a cosmic intervention. Anything.
For I am stranded
in a vast
pitch-dark-room.
But, nothing happens.
So, I wanted to unhinge the temple,
slam it on the floor.
Watch Their smiling faces shatter
Into tiny little pieces
Perhaps then they will talk.
But they were quiet
As a stone could be.
And I collapsed further
My warm cheek pressed
against the cold floor
I need an answer.
See. You got me.
You got me on my all fours
for never bowing
before You the
Omnipotent
Omnipresent.
Now
Tell me-
Why me?
I did everything by the book.
I followed protocol.
I need an answer.
A reason to go on.
I laid there for a while
Made myself
Comfortable.
Maybe His holy Highness
Is busy
I laid there for
I don’t know how long
Like a wounded animal
Only wanting to be relieved of
her misery.
Wondering why people
Are so scared of death after all.
As I studied the scratches on my floor
I realised
Perhaps
The silence is the answer.
The quietude
The still flowers
The motionless figurines
Because you see
I had never raised
this question earlier
Never had I wondered Why me?
When self absorbed
I had strutted around
Like an
Entitled
Little
Snob.
-
Ashes
I walk through ashes Left behind From the fire that consumed my dreams. The ones I concocted As a little girl Sprawled on the grass Under a tree beneath the sky Of chocolate houses And unicorns Swaying with the swings thinking- monsters are four legged And fairies have wings. The dreams Uninhibited Vast Lark, Open. Quite a fire it was Ignited by a spark Of doubt. I walk through ashes That fly From the fire that emblazoned my reveries The ones I concocted Sitting in the classrooms Bedrooms, parks and places Comprehending the quagmires of the system And their measures of artistry Knowledge Decorum and Duties Via books and lengthy monologues Telling me about the foundations And a way of life. Quite a furnace it was Ignited by incongruity Of the preacher that practiced Hypocrisy and atrocities. I walk through ashes Left behind From the fire Which consumed my dreams From when I was younger And walked with a Cloak of invincibility That years Will bring clarity Less, if not much Half, if not full And a Change shall commence Sooner or later For They must see their oversight, their error. The dreams of walking alone For those who seek love are weak and imbecile And friendships don’t fray Just as flowers don’t wither, That honesty must win hard work must pay. Radiant it was The pyre of My visions and dreams Or lies force fed to me In legacy. And then the world tells me They think I have changed In ways they don’t recognize Of course! Of course, They do not recognize The immolation, the devouring Of my dreams, in the fire That raged within me An inferno in my core That singed my soul Time after time They tell me I am not the same But they do see a Flicker of light in my eyes And a fleck of ember When i speak at times. Caught off guard I don’t know what to say. I lean forward Closer to their ear Unsure how else to cover I clear my throat And I tell them- Likewise.
-
A Note from Posterity
Tell me father-
Were you a child?
To have thought you knew it all
To have thought you knew the best
To have thought that
you
Understood religion
Understood universe
Understood humans
To have thought
So highly of oneself
And yet leaned on God
In the name of guiding light
To unravel the great mystery of life
Of love and hate
Of love and loss
Wrong and right
Tell me father
Didn’t you know
You, your forefathers
And their grandfathers
Who knew not
the reason
Of blue skies
Of mountains high
That plants do live
the cycle of life
Your forefathers and their grandfathers
Knew not
Difference between
a fact and a lie
Knew not
Physics
Maths chemistry history biology
Knew not fire
Knew not rain
Yes them
Your those forefathers
And their fathers
created god.
Father, you created god.
It wasn’t waiting
When Adam and Eve arrived.
And in name of God
There were people whose
houses were burned
sons were lynched
Daughters were touched
Daughters were beaten
Daughters were dragged
And you sat in the comfort
Of your Home
Of your office
Of your car
And talked
And instigated
And polarized
While the capital burned down.
Their homes burned down.
Their homes.
Burned.
Down.
While you listened to music
Hummed in the shower
Attended fancy parties
Holding a glass of champagne
Overlooking
A lovely bed of flowers
reading
forwarded texts
With propaganda
Made you a rad
But I know
Your scars were borrowed
So was your pain
Your wars were
Uncalled for
Based on hatred and hunger
And revenge
Because today
None of it matters
And it was all an idea
Just as you were one.
But i know
I know
You weren’t alone
You were united by divisions
With those you thought to be your own
Divided by boundaries
United by boundaries
Divided by color
United by color
Divided by theocracy
United by theocracy
And it went on and on
But sooner or later
one after another
The veils were lifted
And today when we know
There are other realities
We know
It was all a facade
A crutch
A conspiracy for commerce
For power
Just as slavery
Just as holocaust
Just as racism
And
I wish I could bring you
Back
Dig up your grave
Sit you up
To show you
What a royal circus it was
And you
a joker
a spectator
A puppet
But also
A co-conspirator
Watching and clapping
As you liked
living vicariously
In a pseudo reality
Of an idea
That played out too long
I wish i could dig you up
To show you
Your whole existence
Was a lie.
-
An Ode To My Lover
Dear darling,
this one is an ode
to the love lost
to the world
in which I myself am lost
the world that lured us
with other fantasies
and we got sold to what seemed to be best.
But must I say that
appearances my darling,
can be a fraud
and life a witch
only revealing as much as it wants
till one day,
it’s too late.An ode
To the love lost
to the world.
the world as a stage
on which we’ll never bow together
for our acts are different.
the world as a circus
but we will never perform together
we will walk this life
alone or worse, with someone else.This one is an ode
For the museums we will never visit
the gardens we would never stroll
the roads we will never kiss on
the mountains we will not take onAn ode to the poems
i will not send to you
the love songs I will not
sing for you
to the nights
i will not come back home to you
the days i will not spend with youthis one is an ode to
the prayers i will not say for you
and eventually will come the days
i will not think of you
and apart we will drift
tell ourselves-
it all happened for the best.
as if beggars are choosersMy soul, darling, feels cold
Feels hollow.
Is wounded.
Is bruised.
it’s too scared to be touched
by anyone else
But you.
and the heart doesn’t trust itself-
it’s never been this unsure
for the only thing it was sure about
was you. was us.
but oh, quite a joke.the heart, darling, is still not listening
to the silence that came
with the absence of you
it’s being silly darling-
stubborn as a child
who thinks crying will get it what it wants
but life is a strict teacher
and soon it will learn
this teacher rewards the smartest. the bravest.
heart is a slow learner, darling.but i wonder- does it not break your heart-
to go on without me?
it looks as if it doesn’t.
It clearly, doesn’t
because you darling don’t rest till you get what you want.but then,
why does it break mine?
does it not break your heart
to embark on this journey of life without me?
to not celebrate your victories with me
and to not have my shoulder to cry on.
if this-
none of this-
doesn’t matter to you
doesn’t render you sleepless
doesn’t make your insides twist
then i might as well
prepare for this journey alone.this one is an ode
to the future we do not hold.
-
Illusion
What if all
I had been
Seening till now
Was a mirage
An Illusion
My mind’s tricks
And games
And now that I have fallen
Flat on my face
The spell has been broken.
The Paradise has disappeared.
I see nothing for miles
Just me
Amidst a sea of sand
But I wonder-
Who tricked me?
A feeling tells me
From the memory or a dream-
Perhaps
I did.
-
Love is Love.
All this love
in my heart
couldn’t be wrong.
this i knew.
the touch
the sparks
the butterflies
couldn’t be wrong.
this i knew.
the mind doesn’t work
in matters of heart
and that only her love
got to me.
this i knew.
and I knew
my lover was
proud of me as I
was
proud of her.
yet a lot of worlds would crumble
if i told them about ours.
this i knew.
so i cradled this love
close to my heart.
behind closed doors.
hiding altogether
a part of me.
my better half.
but today-
we will kiss
under the stars,
holding hands
just as lovers do.
not worried to be
put behind bars
not worried to
prove the truth.
for they realised
what i always knew.
and i knew
All this love
in my heart
couldn’t be wrong.
-
Silence
They say
Silencetalks,So I saidNot a wordeven whenthere was a stormRaging within meI stayed quietas the seaBut you never sawThe lifebreathing within meBut then I spokeOnly to experimentTo see how it feelsAnd my voice-EchoedAcross millionsAnd I realisedI was not alone.I learned that silence,It’s trickyUsing it,an art.For silence alsoMeans consentMeans acceptanceand I had to askfor what I thought I deservedObject toWhat was wrongFight against injusticeAnd silencewas not enough.Silence wasn’t enough toExpress the love I heldClose to my heart andThe heartache,I held even closer.
Shivi Writes 