I don’t often go to a temple
Neither to a
A mosque nor
A church
But recently, I went
To a temple
Not too far
But the one at my home itself;
The face-off with God was awkward
I have to say.
Like meeting an
Old lover.
So I cut straight to the chase
And asked –
“Why god why? Why me?
Why must I suffer through this misery?!”
With folded hands,
I Waited for an answer,
a revelation, perhaps.
Minutes passed,
No one spoke
Absolutely none of the statues moved-
Neither the hibiscus nor the marigold
Fell in front of me.
Devoid of all hope,
I desperately needed a sign.
More like a cosmic intervention.
For I felt stuck in a
turbulent-
pitch-dark-storm
with no way forward.
But, nothing happened.
Call it blasphemous,
but it was at this point
I wanted to almost unhinge the temple,
slam it on the floor.
Smash Their smiling faces
Into tiny little pieces
Perhaps then the Gods will talk.
Because they were quiet
As a stone. Hah!
Soon enough, the anger passed
but the weakness remained.
I lay down, right there.
My warm cheek pressed
against the cold floor
In a fetal position
And I said-
"Look, You got me.
The girl who never prayed.
Here I am kneeling
before You the
Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient.
Now Please Tell me-
Why me?
because I did everything by the book.
I didn’t deserve this.
I need an answer.
A reason to go on."
I lay there for
I don’t know how long
Like a wounded animal
Only wanting to be relieved of
her misery.
Wondering why people
Are so scared of death after all.
And then,
as I studied my floor
I realized that
Perhaps,
The answer is in the silence itself
The quietness of the air
The stillness of the flowers
The motionless figurines
Because you see
I had never raised
this question earlier-
when life was all rainbows and unicorns
and someone else that I knew of
was suffering.
Never had I once wondered then, "Why Them?"
I had taken it to be a stroke of bad luck,
something unfortunate, and said
"Oh, I'm so sorry"
And went on with my life.
Never had I once wondered then, "Why Them?"
When self-absorbed
I had strutted around
Like an
Entitled-
Little-
Snob.
Category: POEM
-
Why Me? -Revised
-
To live is to, Not give up
To live is to go on,
pick up where you left-
2 years ago or few years ago.
Because what else would you rather do
Than to relentlessly chase your dreams
Yet you ask,
“What if i fall?
But my darling,
What if you fly?”//Picking up where I left after 1 year 7 months
-
Always waiting
Sitting in the future;
That I prayed for
decades ago-
Was it 15
10
8
5
Or perhaps a year back,
Or was it yesterday?Sitting in the future;
From a continuum of days
When I was livin’ on a prayer-
Broken only by a streak of blur
of futile undertakings;
Assured
Of the providence of fate.Have no doubts,
The promises came true.
The seeds planted-
Grew into trees,
Blossomed into flowers,
And bore fruits-
Sweet as sugar,
ripe as June.But the shade thick as a brick
Doesn’t block the sun,
The storm,
Or the rainAnd
The fruits are fruits-
The taste doesn’t latch to the tongue
But fades
Quicker than one imagined.And the flowers wither.
Sitting in the future,
Under the tree.
The grass under my feet
Is wet from nostalgia,
that lurks in vicinity
“Tread carefully,” a voice calls out.Fireflies light up the night,
More than stars ever could.
The earthly breeze sifts through my hair,
But I don’t noticeFor I am
Sitting in the future,
Under the tree I planted
Decades ago;
Waiting for tomorrow to come.
-
Mountain
I want to be a Mountain. Allowing that river to flow through me And those plants to grow on me. I want to be the highest yet grounded. So stern that no force living can move me. I want to be so vast That any man who chooses to Cross me Thinks twice Blinks thrice. I want to proudly wear my Steepness like a crown one adorns when they reach the summit. And just once in a while I will let you walk All over me Grow on me Feed off me. Let you kiss me- Like the spread of sun light. I too will allow you to be intoxicated by my beauty. Let you feel like you own me you conquered me. I will sit still as you pass through me and pass you will until gone assured that you have learned of my curves and ups and down. And pass you will until gone for no one ever stayed too long. Unless, buried. I will sit still I will stand tall until the next traveller comes along.
-
🌻
A shadow engulfs
My heart
When i remember
The sunshine
My lover wasAnd like a little girl
Off i went
Running in the parkMother said,
Come back, before it gets dark.But I was gone too far.
I was helpless.
For one doesn’t
Escape the sunlight.
One can only surrender
And so I did,
I ceded.Threw in the towel,
And lay down on it.Soaking in the golden sun
With every inch of me
Drowsed by the fondness
Of the tempest heart,
Raging to be devoured.I don’t know
how long
I lay there
I wish it were a lifetime
Because when I woke up
It was dark, and
Winter had arrivedAnd now,
the night doesn’t end.
-
Cotton Candies In the Sky
Cotton candies in the sky
Have been luring me
For a while
Whenever I look up
They are looking back at me
White, yellow, pink.
So devoted,
Damn, so divine.
Cotton candies in the sky
Have been enticing me
To come closer to them.
To get a taste.
To dare and come find them
And right there it is
So I decide to follow
I mean, how could I not?
I see a mountain
that my eyes know for real
is kissing the
Spiralling golden sea
moving silently
above my head.
The mountain is steep.
Yet I begin
to ascend.
Certain that the climb will be worth my while.
As I reach closer
I see it becoming slated
Readying itself
To greet me
To meet me
seductively draping itself
in a net of lights
Burning to unite.
Demanding me
to move faster
So I let it own me
like I never belonged
anywhere else.
And I rise
like a high tide.
Only to find out
It was all a tease
A ruse
Laid down very well to show me
what I can have
And what I cannot.
Cotton candies in the sky
Concealing a world
That some arrogant men
claim they know about
through ‘theories’
only wildly imagined,
Challenging their egos
Cotton candies in the sky
Changing everyday
Shifting and drifting
Shapeless yet constant
Hiding secrets I cannot see.
I will never see.
Till I cross over to the other side.
-
Walls
The walls were
pretty high
when you first started knocking.
No, I wasn’t behind the walls.
I was curled up
Under the bed, behind
the walls.
And you walked straight in
like you
owned the place.
You started talking
And looking around,fiddling with my things
while i was still under the bed
I kept listening.
I can’t remember
at what point
did I decide to peak a boo-
Was it when you called me home?
Or was it when you told me about the time you decided to kill yourself?
Was it when you told me
you can’t sleep without me by your side
I can’t seem to recollect the exact moment
When i changed my mind
I wonder if it was when you told me if you hadn’t felt this way in a while
Or was it when you told me
that you had never felt this way before.
You said it
So many times
That i believed you
And slowly i crept out
From under the bed
And sat on it
Right where you were sitting.
And you put your
Arms around me
And told me
Your deepest darkest secretsAnd i can’t remember when
But somewhere at some point
The walls came down
Oh, I cannot seem to remember
The exact moment when
I changed my mind about you.but I know it doesn’t matter anymore
Because just when
I changed my mind
You changed yours too.
-
1 folly less
I know
our guise
changes
in time
forming
depressions, folds
and lines
sagging
underneath the weight of
Judgment
and dust
collected every minute
with the air we breathe
and on we go
changing and changing and changing
and transforming
But wouldn’t it be
so much better
I wonder
And I wonder –
Would
you still
look the way you do
If
your face resembled
your deeds
And
your thoughts.
If not all of them
even a few of them
And if
and your guise wasn’t really
a surmise of your genes.
and yet
There are
advocates and advisors
of law and equality?
When
It seems like
Even the nature did
Not intend
Transparency.
If only
you resembled
your deeds
I’d be
One
Folly less.
Shivi Writes 