Shivi Writes

I don’t often go to a temple 
Neither to a
A mosque nor
A church
But recently, I went
To a temple
Not too far
But the one at my home itself;
The face-off with God was awkward
I have to say. 
Like meeting an
Old lover.
So I cut straight to the chase
And asked –
“Why god why? Why me?
Why must I suffer through this misery?!”

With folded hands, 
I Waited for an answer, 
a revelation, perhaps. 
Minutes passed, 
No one spoke
Absolutely none of the statues moved-
Neither the hibiscus nor the marigold
Fell in front of me.
Devoid of all hope, 
I desperately needed a sign. 
More like a cosmic intervention.
For I felt stuck in a 
turbulent-
pitch-dark-storm 
with no way forward. 

But, nothing happened.

Call it blasphemous, 
but it was at this point 
I wanted to almost unhinge the temple,
slam it on the floor.
Smash Their smiling faces 
Into tiny little pieces
Perhaps then the Gods will talk.
Because they were quiet
As a stone. Hah! 

Soon enough, the anger passed
but the weakness remained.
I lay down, right there.
My warm cheek pressed 
against the cold floor
In a fetal position 
And I said- 
"Look, You got me.
The girl who never prayed.
Here I am kneeling
before You the
Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient.
Now Please Tell me-
Why me?
because I did everything by the book.
I didn’t deserve this.
I need an answer.
A reason to go on."

I lay there for 
I don’t know how long
Like a wounded animal
Only wanting to be relieved of
her misery.
Wondering why people
Are so scared of death after all.

And then, 
as I studied my floor
I realized that
Perhaps,
The answer is in the silence itself
The quietness of the air
The stillness of the flowers
The motionless figurines
Because you see
I had never raised
this question earlier-
when life was all rainbows and unicorns 
and someone else that I knew of
was suffering. 
Never had I once wondered then, "Why Them?"
I had taken it to be a stroke of bad luck, 
something unfortunate, and said 
"Oh, I'm so sorry"
And went on with my life. 
Never had I once wondered then, "Why Them?"
When self-absorbed
I had strutted around
Like an
Entitled-
Little-
Snob.